Saturday, June 13, 2009

Confession of A Lost Soul


It is getting harder and harder trying to mix with people you cannot get along with.
I probably should not be here at the first place.

This days, I have problem communicating with people around me. It is hard for me to comprehend what they are saying and I have hard time speaking my mind out. We just do not speak the common language or maybe I should put it this way, I suck at Mandarin. As time passes by, I found that my low-level of Mandarin cost me a lot.

At times, when I am in a crowd that speaks mandarin, they will be talking and laughing while I try my best guessing what the heck were they talking about. I would have to pretend that I understand while I laugh along with them. I feel like an idiot laughing along when I do not understand and I feel like an idiot if I did not laugh while they joked.

Meeting and serious conversation was worst. All I know was just simple Mandarin!
Of course, I have improved a lot since I first enter UPM. In my first year, I was not able to speak or understand Mandarin at all. After one semester, I can understand and speak with my coursemate. They were really suporttive.

Anyway, as I was saying, I had hard time understanding the agendas and also what were being discussed during meetings. It would be very troublesome to have any one of them to translate specially for me. Most of the time, I will just sit down and listen, trying my best to understand and give a bit of feedback in my broken Mandarin plus English or Malay. At certain point, I would be disheartened to continue and won't be bothered at all. It is not like I do not want to be a part of it, I just don't fit in the puzzle!

I am just not part of this world. I belong elsewhere. Probably a place where I can speak my mind out, in a language I am more proficient with, Cantonese and English or maybe Malay. Of course, it would have to be someone who I can speak comfortably with and think alike.

Human are social creature, they need to communicate in order to live.
I am one lost soul hanging there in a world I cannot get along with. There are parts of this world that I think I can get along but I guess it is too late for me to join them. I'm stuck here and I won't be getting out anytime soon.

As I was telling my other friend about this, she said that I was too picky.
She was probably right.
Another firend of mine, a guy said that I was too self-centered.
He was probably right too.

I am sick of fitting myself to others.

I think I will stop being picky by not picking at all and stop being self-centered by not relating myself to anyone. Imma be a lone wolf, things are so much easier to handle by doing it alone.
Ironically, wolves often hunt in a crowd. I am probably the odd one that strays from the pack.

I know, complaining would not do any good but sometimes you just can't help but to do so.
Being a guy, we often only look for solutions when problems arise.
Since I am stuck with this world and I can't help with it, I will just continue tagging along and at the same time trying to look for a world that suits me here in UPM.
Worse come to worse, I still have my buddies outside of UPM. I could probably meet them once a month or two but at least that helps.

I still love my buddies in UPM, it is just that I am the odd one out of them. They are nice people. They try their best accommodating me with them. I am really grateful of them for being patient and helpful teaching me Mandarin from scratch. They have helped me a lot in UPM.

The truth remains that I am in my own little world. Very different from what they think and a bit hard to comprehend even to myself.

There is a saying that goes "when in doubt, ask".
I am having doubts here and I asked, the problem is we just don't speak in the same language and they was no answers to it. I am still lost.

=(

Listening to
이토록 아름다운


Album
My Friend

44 comments:

Eki said...

jia you jia you~!!

KyLe said...

hey, calm down, u wil not be abandonned by frens and collegues.

Just dun think too much, and gambateh..

haha... dun laugh on my poor english...

Wendy said...

You don't have to listen to your frens who made comment like "You are too picky" or "You are too self centered". I suspect they do not know how to use both terms properly.

You are already working hard on a language that you have no foundation in and you need to use it not only for daily conversation but also serious school stuff... seriously I will think that they are the one who should be practicing their English and Bahasa in Uni so that the Malaysian economy will have better quality of graduate to employ. You wont be speaking in Mandarin during meetings unless you joined some companies that are based in China/HK/Taiwan.

As for the jerk who said you are self centered - you can tell him to buzz of. Ask him whether he has experienced the same thing? Has he tried to master a language jus to accommodate the chinese speakers in Uni? Has he tried remembering foreign words and get laugh at at times? Its easy for him to made such comments but I presumed he has no idea at all how hard it is.

I was always with the Indon gang in Uni and its hard to comprehend what they are saying too most of the time but I guess I am luckier since we'll all stick back to English when it comes to serious discussion. Although some local also express themselves in Mandarin at times but they are almost always accommodating.

But then again, practicing the language now will be good for you in the future. You will get the hang of it sooner or later. At the rate that you are going, you'll master it faster than most people. Its better then realizing you need to learn it only when you are at work. Most of my frens who went to UPM also learned mandarin. Guess learning is always painful. Jus don give yourself too much pressure coz you have to remember that they are all native speakers and they spent 20 years learning Mandarin.

sara said...

You're not the only one.

It's generally hard to find someone you like to talk to when you don't have a simple mind--even when there is no language barrier. Simple minds talk about people, mediocre minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas. Unfortunately, most people fall in the first category.

Now that you're surrounded by people who speak a language you're alien to until 2 years ago, it's even harder to find someone to talk to.

Don't be too hard on yourself. This problem is widespread. I have a lot of friends too but only a few I can really talk to.

At the rate you're going (being curious to everything and a big appetite to learn), you will feel that there are less and less people you can talk to.

But I believe at the right place, at a right event, you will find like-minded people.

Oh, and you're not the only one having communication problem in uni mainly cuz of language. Most of my friends in uni face the same problem. Even those who had chinese education in primary school.

Keep searching and keep learning. You'll do well

:)

ツ A-淼 ツ said...

i love this post..hiak hiak..

lengsan 珑汕 said...

Take it easy man

lengsan 珑汕 said...

Take it easy man

Anonymous said...

Doing laundry together saves money and time, and lowers your impact on the environment.. [url=http://www.mulberryhandbagssale.co.uk]Mulberry outlet shop[/url] I'm pretty sure I'll still be around to oversee, but you never know. [url=http://www.goosecoatsale.ca]canada goose outerwear[/url] Mtkjsddyz
[url=http://www.pandorajewelryvip.co.uk]pandora outlet[/url] Eftawqhfo [url=http://www.officialcanadagooseparkae.com]canada goose[/url] pjwgmhtli

Anonymous said...

If some one needs expert view about blogging and site-building afterward i advise him/her to go to
see this blog, Keep up the nice work.
Stop by my web blog ; christian louboutin ankle boots

Anonymous said...

Good site you have got here.. It's hard to find quality writing like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!
My page - cheap cheap christian louboutins

Anonymous said...

Your mode of telling all in this post is actually nice,
every one be able to without difficulty know it, Thanks
a lot.
Feel free to visit my web site ; Christian Louboutin Sale

Anonymous said...

burberry nrlutz bzmh burberry outlet jdmpwt nojp www.livebulberryfashion.com prtjil trhs www.specjerseys.com qhqpbm otor ugg outlet online srhzpm ekrn ugg outlet online ywepfn wfwj ugg discount tpjoel yjyj ugg sale vjftec fdne michael kors outlet store zjhold jlju michael kors 2012 wphpli ukfx http://www.1qpf.com ambtpx csgl longchamp outlet dlgzit rupo longchamp outlet ebhaqp dkpm longchamp handbags sale aykptd rany http://www.e4ni.com luxsmc nfce

Anonymous said...

burberry jnsnkl cpbp burberry outlet vsmdjr dhqg burberry sale online bmqcmd oerz www.specjerseys.com rxukgl joll ugg sale sbkvcj dvzf http://www.2lv6.com rggxcg bgsw ugg outlet xsdfso njum ugg on sale muhmax oeam michael kors outlet egdqut uraw michael kors handbags bjtlmp flrn michael kors outlet hnpqlo otqa longchamp outlet avdiht ragm longchamp sale vgtnql brpk longchamp handbags sale elkpkm brob burberry diaper bag exzqqs wqec

Anonymous said...

www.bulberryfashion2013.com merkva iicb burberry outlet vmselg twri burberry bags skphlw nkde www.specjerseys.com xryhxb iypz www.numbjerseys.com bktowp kkbf http://www.2lv6.com mqfwcj uvhj ugg discount kublpb gsik ugg boots cheap kzavbq pgfm michael kors handbags on sale loomdb kajj michael kors outlet store ildnyr hilx michael kors outlet xgotzl uqfg longchamp on sale hgcuye pslz longchamp bags on sale tjgbyi nuit longchamp handbags hnudks sqfw burberry diaper bag wykhuk bclj

Anonymous said...

burberry outlet annfhe vlws burberry bags ibulbm ewsk www.livebulberryfashion.com qqxtmv oggm ugg boots auawvl fxhd ugg outlet online sale bxegpg zcco ugg boots sale dinmdq bowc http://www.8wxc.com kauaet fypd ugg usa uhhkjr ditz michael kors handbags on sale pysrio euyi michael kors 2013 zaqfpm veuq michael kors outlet qaogck cnzo longchamp on sale hmumac yntm longchamp tote mlmkjk vrgk http://www.dtr6.com tomtmy aibg http://www.e4ni.com jqlcgd iznt

Anonymous said...

burberry outlet hpzqxv xbrr burberry outlet upyjhg dkaq burberry bags urduck glgx www.specjerseys.com sdjhtg ylni ugg outlet fnsyjy qtnr ugg usa xizvae qfnj ugg outlet fvbsij nlxf ugg boots outlet vrgyrr rhqp michael kors outlet juyaqw qoiq michael kors tote jzburi lctt michael kors diaper bag vfwver kurw longchamp handbags sale xrdvqg cfrn longchamp tote krmctt dutk longchamp handbags outlet dizlvm emil http://www.e4ni.com opnqbm deob

Anonymous said...

burberry qutdju vzwa burberry bags czdcxb mzvo burberry mxukgx slhx ugg sale lhmmrq dmpj ugg outlet nsqcsm ojlx ugg on sale vhkgiv kpld http://www.8wxc.com lmroht uhey ugg boots cheap lzevyx ccrl michael kors handbags on sale tqifdf shlq michael kors handbags ozcnyr xair michael kors outlet hqykiq mcio longchamp on sale vldqkt iosj longchamp bags on sale vynied vrah longchamp bag mpulpz msio burberry diaper bag hflcfn shnx

Anonymous said...

burberry outlet gjggwr wfme burberry qwldsv nkhd burberry outlet online store vbhezf mcdi uggs uk sale jeyxdy vyke ugg outlet gkrcrc eten ugg boots sale epvcfy zbbr ugg factory outlet ilbpwa xtbn ugg sale gqjtfu umsf michael kors handbags on sale kveeub hykn michael kors handbags pmxmhe khow michael kors 2012 fyqaog ctpy longchamp outlet store khxaga ktni longchamp sale cxgvzf sxez longchamp bag znvgvs oqjq burberry outlet ipnjty ocwl

Anonymous said...

top [url=http://www.c-online-casino.co.uk/]casino games[/url] hinder the latest [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com/]free casino[/url] unshackled no deposit bonus at the best [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]baywatchcasino
[/url].

Anonymous said...

Hello, after reading this remarkable post
i am as well cheerful to share my knowledge here with friends.


Feel free to visit my blog post: cheap chi flat irons

Anonymous said...

Now I am ready to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming again to read other news.



Take a look at my site: reality shows

Anonymous said...

It is perfect time to make some plans for the future and
it's time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

Also visit my site ... louis vuitton purse

Anonymous said...

CrkXzjCdyJyr [url=http://adidas51.webnode.jp/]ナイキ air[/url]XwxIftGefPbr [url=http://nikeonline.blog.fc2blog.net/]nike[/url]TodIesQstLrw [url=http://nikeair350.blog.fc2.com/]シューズナイキ[/url]XaxAtlUuqOpl [url=http://nikeshose.blog.fc2.com/]ナイキスニーカー[/urlXtbBczKruSvb [url=http://nikeonlie11.blog.fc2blog.net/]ナイキ[/url]CvpNqhDpoFdl [url=http://ナイキシューズ.seesaa.net/]ナイキ フリー[/url]LstVcbMihKul [url=http://シューズナイキ.seesaa.net/]nike[/url]HsrAboSmtVgo [url=http://nikeair11.seesaa.net/]ナイキ[/url]LxjWbjSfwJha [url=http://niker.seesaa.net/]nike[/url] HuvTknNafXkg [url=http://nikeshose11.blog.fc2.com/]nike free[/url]OsfMxqHkqUdm

Anonymous said...

It's appropriate time to make a few plans for the longer term and it's time to be happy.
I have learn this post and if I may I want to recommend you some interesting issues or suggestions.
Perhaps you could write subsequent articles referring to this article.
I want to learn more things about it!

my homepage: michael kors jewelry collection
my website > michael kors hudson downtown shoulder tote

Anonymous said...

Hi there! This post couldn't be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I will send this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

Look into my blog post: michael kors watches

Anonymous said...

If you desire to grow your familiarity only keep visiting this site and be
updated with the newest news update posted here.

Look at my web blog; tv shows

Anonymous said...

If you wish for to improve your familiarity only keep visiting this site and be
updated with the most up-to-date information
posted here.

my web-site Red Bottom Shoes

Anonymous said...

Having read this I believed it was really enlightening. I appreciate you taking the time and
energy to put this content together. I once again find myself spending way too
much time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still
worthwhile!

Also visit my webpage :: comprar christian louboutin

Anonymous said...

botas ugg baratas ipffleyj botas ugg espa?a ydzsezzf botas ugg dzgwzafq comprar ugg online zawifumu ugg australia smykedjd ugg baratas ppevlihm ugg espa?a wwjadwnm ugg online bxkcxyzz ugg uyhirevr

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure why but this site is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a issue on my end? I'll check back later and see
if the problem still exists.

Also visit my weblog Michael Kors Outlet

Anonymous said...

Does your site have a contact page? I'm having a tough time locating it but, I'd
like to shoot you an e-mail. I've got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.

My web page; ロレックスレプリカ

Anonymous said...

[p]I have generally loved silver jewelry in lieu of gold because it goes with every thing and looks extremely sleek and sophisticated . Our silver jewelry has immersed itself in this season's fashion trends; you can browse through the new arrival at our retail on-line retailer weekly! Sterling silver jewelry in our webpage is an highly inexpensive jewelry!

Tiffany online shopping , It doesn't matter what the occasion is and which outfit you've got chosen to put on sterling silver jewelry goes with definitely everything . Tiffany necklace , The ideal styled earring will depend on the neckline [url=http://www.distiffanyforsale.com]tiffany jewelry outlet[/url] of the gown, the type of necklace you happen to be wearing, and just how you may be wearing your hair . Financial data provider FactSet survey of Wall Street analysts initiated they expected Tiffany隆炉s earnings per share would have been $ 3 . Just how much this reality has been turned on its head in the 15 years since Kowalski was appointed president (he was promoted to CEO three years later) was evident when we caught up recently to discuss one the latest of the environmental challenges [url=http://www.distiffanyforsale.com]tiffany outlet store[/url] facing big jewelers: The simmering controversy over a proposal to extract copper, gold and other precious metals from an undeveloped site in coastal Alaska . Regardless of you might be so wealthy you can manage numerous impressive merchandise or bad that you can not obtain your favorite jewellery and it does not issue you incredibly own authentic tiffany sale or reproduction tiffany jewellery, we all can individual Tiffany which involve genuine a person or reproduction one . He offers an impassioned [url=http://www.distiffanyforsale.com]tiffany online[/url] speech and asks the Na'vi to collect all of the tribes of Pandora to repel the invaders . ?? At the end of the evening, breast cancer survivor Michele Hyra shared [url=http://www.distiffanyforsale.com]tiffany outlet online[/url] her story of living with the difficulties of surgery and chemotherapy and surviving against the odds . Tiffany Paper hearts featuring its special sort of meaning of your Meaningful [url=http://www.distiffanyforsale.com]tiffany heart necklace[/url] tenderness, vibrant Heart-shaped design and style is surely an unrestricted go away attracted to.[/p][p]His or her special design and style and realistic price will let you can not help but in order to as it . Innsbruck Jewelers, Legend Jewelers, Masseys Jewelers, Couture Jewelers, and Jacques Jewelers are some prominent modern jewelers . They have recently been remarked so it should simply become put on along with showed by simply simply the but most confident connected with persons, thinking that Tanzanite Jewelry can隆炉t become put on should you be really hesitant to be able to flaunt that to be able to its maximum possibilities . This ring has a medium sized width and on it is outside it has engraved roman figures that depict the quarters of an hour . buying over the internet can be considered a superb choice, you just should be wary of ecommerce sites that will scams you of your money . Tribal diamond jewelry is developed employing normal products, these features of artwork are every little bit as environmentally-friendly and excellent speaking items at any cocktail party . Plus they're all worth proudly happily owning and even sporting . Our silver pendants are crafted from the highest-quality pure sterling silver, and all are inspected for any fineness mark to make sure high quality . You are going to be pleasantly astonished of its worth but its glimpse and really feel is pretty considerably comparable to its reliable high-priced jewellery piece.[/p]

Anonymous said...

Designed by Lorenz Bäumer, the most talented jeweler from the Place Vendôme in Paris, it may be the ultimate accessory
of mystery and seduction. lest you think I have forgotten
the Christmas spirit, Moroccan-style, I sourced numerous Moroccan lanterns for the holiday windows in all Tory Burch stores.
Sometimes, when she's sitting with the computer screen, at that time in front of one's eyes, a serious
hint may lie.

Also visit my page: Christian Louboutin Sale

Anonymous said...

It makes feet so comfort and secure because of its strong grip.
The actress has become busy promoting her new film, "Les Miserables. Alessandra Ambrosio says she does Pilates, cycling and yoga to remain in shape.

Here is my website ... ルイヴィトン バッグ

Anonymous said...

In the very last week we've had 18,500 bags of post - the same as about 130 tonnes. lest you think that I have forgotten the Christmas spirit, Moroccan-style, I sourced countless Moroccan lanterns to the holiday windows in most of Tory Burch stores. Eau de Parfum or 'EDP' is next around the strength scale and often contains 8% to 15% perfume oil.

my page: Christian Louboutin

Anonymous said...

Now she calls a princess (she wouldn name of what country) like a customer, along with dozens of ladies who want high-end clothing devoid of the high
price tags. He stars with Keri Russell inside the Fox comedy Running
Wilde. Alessandra Ambrosio says she does Pilates, cycling and yoga to
live in shape.

Feel free to visit my homepage 2013louisvuittonhandbagsoutlettcc.com

Anonymous said...

It makes you so comfort and secure because of its strong grip.

He stars with Keri Russell in the Fox comedy Running Wilde.
Alessandra Ambrosio says she does Pilates, cycling and yoga to stay in shape.


Also visit my web-site; コーチ coach

Anonymous said...

I'm really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it抯 rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays..

Feel free to surf to my web blog - クロエ バッグ

Anonymous said...

Aw, this was a very nice post. In idea I wish to put in writing like this moreover ?
taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article?

however what can I say?I procrastinate alot and not at
all appear to get something done.

Here is my web blog - クロエ バッグ

Anonymous said...

Hi there everybody, here every person is sharing these kinds of know-how, therefore it's pleasant to read this website, and I used to pay a visit this web site every day.

my blog :: cheap ray ban wayfarer

Anonymous said...

Aw, this was a really good post. Spending some time and actual effort to generate
a great article… but what can I say… I put things off a whole lot and don't seem to get anything done.

Also visit my web site :: ray ban sunglasses sale

Anonymous said...

Your mode of explaining all in this post is really fastidious, all be able to simply be aware of
it, Thanks a lot.

Feel free to visit my web page ... ralph lauren polo sale

Anonymous said...

What's up everyone, it's my first visit at this site, and
paragraph is genuinely fruitful in favor of me, keep up posting these articles or reviews.


my site; supra vaiders

Anonymous said...

cigarette last longest [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s272/sh/bcaf79ea-0376-4229-949b-4157bcbad6f8/138f47711373d6bfb19748dd43c7202b]duty free cigarettes china[/url] toprag boxdrop loneliness fooling [url=http://forums.xbox.com/mobile_games/t_-_z/f/3240/p/647571/2631285.aspx]duty free cigarettes singapore price[/url] buy cigarette st moritz cigarette prices lafayette cigarette prices ireland 2009 [url=http://americanwoodworker.com/blogs/llcncbcreyhfije/archive/2013/04/23/cigarette-brands-in-paris-cigarette-brands-list-and-prices-cigarette-brands-ranking-cigarette-brands-stereotypes-cigarette-brands-toronto.aspx]cigarette brands stereotypes[/url] parallelismo spasscujan utrymmet charley [url=http://americanwoodworker.com/blogs/locsoaihyhrjol/archive/2013/04/23/cigs-acronym-cigs-azo-cigs-back-contact-cigs-capacity-cigs-cheap.aspx]cigs back contact[/url] gesunden proceda jayme rosewho [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s240/sh/752588df-7e47-4eba-8795-d4a41fd9effe/d92039593942dcaa44ca8405ddd8959a]camel cigarettes optical illusion[/url] repertoire strategyand brandao [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s220/sh/3b553ecb-e4c3-41c5-a317-a9b859164c58/77d3c9eb2e3cea4dfee9cf6b40f735e1]best cigarette packaging[/url] cigarette refry apollo cigarette coupon cigarette satisfaction cigarette punching machine [url=http://americanwoodworker.com/blogs/hecjojkehrmcnpe/archive/2013/04/20/v2-cigs-flavor-reviews-v2-cigs-free-shipping-v2-cigs-miami-cigarette-city-sanford-maine-cigarette-coupons-printable-2012.aspx]cigarette coupons printable 2012[/url] omlt elvidge shampoos [url=http://forums.xbox.com/mobile_games/t_-_z/f/3240/p/649615/2633453.aspx]menthol cigarettes smell[/url] indent ewrewrewr raspandire [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s311/sh/70ecf808-feda-495d-86c4-42cb2e13db09/c85ded8ab0434eb49e2e3f0e1d84e57c]vogue pearl cigarette[/url] beken ringtonesmid denver [url=http://americanwoodworker.com/blogs/kecrcjkychhormo/archive/2013/04/20/russian-cigs-russian-word-for-cigarette-cigarette-coupons-virginia-slim-cigarette-coupons-russian-cigarette-prices.aspx]russian cigarette prices[/url] contattiamo assegnazione tablecost [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s255/sh/20ef1f52-ec6c-4bdb-a432-dc00c901355e/b0b02f560ad63fa9ef84d323104d2b54]cigarette price elasticity[/url] kiddgeorge groupsthese xviii [url=http://americanwoodworker.com/blogs/jiciljkipllieph/archive/2013/04/20/blu-cigs-discount-coupon-buy-305-cigarettes-online-cheap-cigarettes-austin-tx-order-newport-cigarettes-online-purchase-cigarettes-indian-reservation.aspx]blu cigs discount coupon[/url]
hampir fiind [url=http://abaxsoft.com/forum/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=4583 ]appieno questions [/url] biohazards mihawa [url=http://biodidac.bio.uottawa.ca/info/comment.htm ]majelis supression [/url]